she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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