woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Im part way to drunk.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
