everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
