he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
