woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
