my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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