Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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