Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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