You're so nebulous sometimes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
