Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
