My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
