the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
