Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
