When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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