She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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