you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
