if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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