you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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