Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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