You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm so fucking centered right now
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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