Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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