Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
