You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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