I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
