Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
