I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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