Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
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