Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
