if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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