I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
