just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
