Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
