This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
