oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
