Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
