Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You're so nebulous sometimes
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
