If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
