maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
