hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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