so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
