yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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