she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
