I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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