it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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