Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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