Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
