Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
