The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
