his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
