I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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