somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
